The AP Interview: Atomic's Big Toe

He’s been around the world and has led Atomic everywhere from the grocery store to the foothills of England. His name is Al, but prefers to go by the alias “Big T”. Recently we had a chance to sit down and talk with Big T about some of the issues that are important to active feet.

AP: Thank you for agreeing to talk to us. Is there a title or name for which you like to be addressed?

BT: Thanks for having me Larry. You can call me Big “T”.

AP: Let’s begin at the beginning. How was your upbringing?

BT: Well let me tell you, it was no picnic. At first it was ok because he sat around a lot and drew. Atomic was a good guy, but things changed when he turned eight and started taking Judo.

AP: How does Atomic treat you now?

BT: Hmmm. We have an uneasy relationship. He doesn’t really acknowledge me anymore.

AP: Does that upset you?

BT: Well let me put it this way; If you were stuffed into a sock, THEN stuffed into a shoe to be stepped on all day without any air breaks, I would venture to guess that you would be a little pissed. So yeah, I’m upset.

Then there are the times when he gets the idea to go play racquetball. He drags me along and then all of a sudden I feel like I have been stuffed into a blender and put into Frappé mode.

AP: What would you change about your relationship with Atomic?

BT: Well first I would tell him to trim me a little more often and trim some of that hair off my upper side. I’m starting to resemble a Hobbit’s foot for F's sake. I mean, how about sprinkling a little bit of talcum on me? Why should his other body parts get the royal treatment? On second thought a rubdown and a Shiatsu wouldn’t hurt either.

AP: If you could ask Atomic any question that you have been too afraid to ask up until now, what would you ask him?

BT: Who the hell owned that sleazy pair of feet with the silver nail polish? She was all over me and I never even knew her name…

AP: What’s the best part of being the big toe?

BT: Well it’s not the exotic locales I can tell you that. Don’t even get me started on the men’s locker room at the gym. I guess the best part is knowing that I am the leader. Basicaly no matter where we go, I’m always in the lead. That is unless he’s walking backwards of course. But he only does that when he’s two hours into an edible .

AP: Do you get along with your counterpart on the other foot?

BT: Yeah I get along well with Dave (the right big toe). Poor guy had a nasty accident recently when a 50-pound roll of vinyl was dropped on him. His nail has never been the same. In fact he seems a bit skittish, but I have been assured that the twitching will stop. Mostly though, he’s a positive character and nice to hang out with when the socks come off.

AP: It’s well known that Atomic is very fond of the British. What do you think of them?

BT: Well Larry, I don’t see the attraction myself. I’m more into South Americans. They have beautiful complexions and are some of the happiest feet I have ever come across. Not to mention that their spicy outlook really makes the hours pass quickly. And hell, I have more of a chance of frolicking in the sand down there, than I do off the coast of Scotland.

AP: I have heard that Atomic likes to dance. Is he any good?

BT: (laughs) Larry, this guy dances as if he’s got two of me! No coordination at all! I usually try to coordinate with Dave, but it’s difficult since we usually can’t see each other. Currently we are in negotiations with the hands to see if we can work out an elaborate set of signals. We need all the help that we can get.

AP: Describe to me the most upsetting moment you have had being Big “T”.

BT: (Thoughtful pause) I would have to say that the time we were visiting his parents, we woke up and walked out into the hallway. We were dazed from being sleepy and didn’t see the cat puke on the floor. Next thing I know, we were hobbling to the nearest faucet. I swear if I was a mouth, I would have been yakking up something fierce.

AP: If you could say anything to the world, what would you say?

BT: Take care of your feet, we are the only pair you have. Peg legs and space-age plastics are no substitutes for good old-fashioned feet. It’s really a thankless job, especially for the poor soles that have the odor/fungus problems. Thankfully Atomic doesn’t let me get stinky, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself otherwise. But we do the supporting and get you where you want to go. I’m not asking for a lot, but we need love too.

AP: Finally, what makes you laugh?

BT: Curly Elf shoes.