Movie Review: Motel Hell

MOTEL HELL (1980)

⭐⭐⭐ The Motel Hello (with the “O” suspiciously burned out), is not only a little oasis to get some shuteye, it’s also the birthplace of the famous Farmer Vincent jerky. Vincent’s secret recipe is soon exposed in this “Horror Comedy.” Perhaps “Horror Comedy” may be a bit misleading; I would prefer to label it as a “Kooky Vegetarian Propaganda Film.” Dotted with B-list actors and low budget aplomb, here are some of the things you can expect to see:

• 1 secret garden

• 1 creepy pair of twins

• 1 questionable use of a Mid-Atlantic accent

• 1 nosey government employee

• 1 John Ratzenberger in a non-speaking role

• 1 boob punch

• 1 group incident of cock-blocking

• 1 horny small town cop on the make

• 1 whip-wielding energetic Sadomasochistic mating dance • 1 felonious display of cross-dressing

• 4 naked breasts

• 1 rifle aimed at crotch

• 1 criminal display of kazoo(ing)

• 3 trance-inducing disco lights

• 1 dead man’s hot tub

• 1 display of whipped cream for non-dessert use

• 5 displays of Olympia beer product placement

• 1 savage beating by Veggie hoard

• 1 chainsaw duel

• Unsanitary throat surgery

• Gratuitous driveway speeding

• Gratuitous atmospheric fog

• Gratuitous televangelism

If that isn’t enough, what really makes this film worth viewing are the phrases: “It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent’s fritters!” “He smoked that dog, just like a hog.”

“Meat’s meat and a man’s gotta eat!” Three out of five stars. Overall, a fun trip back to the days when mom and dad were at work, and I had access to cable.